ChrisCotter.net

Women have rules, so do men. Here is our side of the story.

1. Men are NOT mind readers.
2. Crying is blackmail.
3. Ask for what you want. Subtle/Strong/Obvious hints do not work, so just say it.
4. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
5. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it – that is what we do. Sympathy is what you girlfriends are for.
6. A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. Go and see a doctor.
7. Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null-and-void after seven days.
8. If you will not dress like the Victoria Secret girls, do not expect us to act like soap opera guys.
9. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not ask us if you are.
10. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the “other one.”
11. You can either ask us to do something, or tell us how you want it done, NOT both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
12. Whenever possible, please say whatever it is you have to say during commercials.
13. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions, and neither do we.
14. All men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings… Peach is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit, not a color. We have no idea what mauve is.
15. If we ask what is wrong, and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing is wrong. We know you are lying, but it is not worth the hassle.
16. If you ask a question you do not want an answer to, expect an answer you do not want to hear.
17. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine… really.
18. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
19. You have enough clothes.
20. You have to many shoes.
21. I am in shape. Round IS a shape.
22. We do not mind sleeping on the couch at night, it is like camping.